Medical Mirthmaker Gifts

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

Health Care Crisis table.

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

First aid departments

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

'Now we'll have to explain it to the press. Remember - keep it superficial.'

Celebration in operating theatre.

Less expensive equivalent.

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.