Medical Mirth Seeker Gifts

Doctor to man: 'Your kidney stone test came back. You didn't pass.'

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'I like the private room but not the public gown.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Golf cart in the hospital.

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'Well, that didn't go too badly, but I did have a brief rotisserie flashback.'

"Thank goodness she hasn't reached 'Hypochonria' yet!"

Surgery has bin in corner labelled: Squiggly left over bits.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'We can't continue meeting this way, darling. I'm running out of vital organs.'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Garden variety allergies."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"I was able to consolidate all your prescriptions into a single pill."

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

'All I did was to connect an artificial heart to artificial legs, to an artificial kidney, to...'

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Postman Drops Off Post In Medical Building.

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

'Except for his testosterone level being out of whack, Frankie is a normal 7-year-old.'

'I'll take #1.'

"Your recovery has defied all known science...so let's just keep this between ourselves!"

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"