Midlife Mirth-seeker Gifts

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

"The club scene is really changing."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

Tragedy and Remedy.

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

'She's not 'pushing 40' - she's 'dragging' it!'

'It's his birthday. Can you play 'Another day older and deeper in debt'?'

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

"And here's one of you running with the guys in Pamplona."

"I'm not kidding, Phil! You really ARE the poster child for middle-aged, disillusioned and down-hearted businessmen everywhere!"

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

"Nothing serious, Bob - just a case of the forties."

'He never changes his shirt!'

"Bob, you look ridiculous. Nobody likes to see a balding middle aged man sporting a pony tail!"

Funky at 50!

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! You only have thirty or forty years left to live!"

'It's not you Frank, it's this darn global warming!'

"I think it's a library - you know, that place for middle-aged men to look at p********y."

"I need to leave you and the children and go to Tahiti if I'm ever going to be a truly great accountant."

'That's as maybe, mister Frimley, but there's still no such thing as inner-child benefit.'