Midlife Mirth-seeker Pillows

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

"The club scene is really changing."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

Tragedy and Remedy.

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

'She's not 'pushing 40' - she's 'dragging' it!'

"I'm not kidding, Phil! You really ARE the poster child for middle-aged, disillusioned and down-hearted businessmen everywhere!"

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

'It's his birthday. Can you play 'Another day older and deeper in debt'?'

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

"And here's one of you running with the guys in Pamplona."

"Nothing serious, Bob - just a case of the forties."

"Bob, you look ridiculous. Nobody likes to see a balding middle aged man sporting a pony tail!"

'He never changes his shirt!'

"Honey, has there been an increase in gravity recently?"

Funky at 50!

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! You only have thirty or forty years left to live!"

"I think it's a library - you know, that place for middle-aged men to look at p********y."

'It's not you Frank, it's this darn global warming!'

"I need to leave you and the children and go to Tahiti if I'm ever going to be a truly great accountant."