Midlife Crisis Planner Pillows

You've had a raging crush on me for 18 years. What? No ... once you got married I totally moved on. Given your former persistence, that's highly dubious. Just bottomline it for me: Does that crush still exist? Because if so, it may fit into my plan. "Plan"? What are you talking about? What is this? I'm scheduling my upcoming midlife crisis. Are you free from June of 2018 to March of 2019? What's happening?

He kept up his guitar practise...

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Middle-Age Superheroes

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

"I'm here for the hair."

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Quick Spring Fling

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!