Midlife Crisis Explorer Pillows

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

He kept up his guitar practise...

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."