Midlife Crisis Adventurer Pillows

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

He kept up his guitar practise...

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-Age Superheroes

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

Quick Spring Fling

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'