Middle-age Adventurer Pillows

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"One year closer to college!"

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Duel in a wheelchair.

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Women

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Lawrence of Suburbia

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Parkour for the over-40s.

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

Secrets of Adulthood.

'In denial and loving it!'