Midlife Adventure Seeker Pillows

"Bob, you look ridiculous. Nobody likes to see a balding middle aged man sporting a pony tail!"

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Lawrence of Suburbia

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'In denial and loving it!'

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."

"Please tell me you're not going dapper in your old age."