Midlife Crisis Navigators Pillows

"I wanted something I could still appreciate at fifty."

"Your contents have shifted."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Quick Spring Fling

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

Baxter finally gets a life

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

Richard Wagner's other Ring Cycle.

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

You Know You're Old When...

Second midlife crisis.