Midlife Navigator Pillows

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

'Just give her a chance to cool down. It's probably hormonal.'

Bob's other midlife crisis: 'Warning: Hormone replacement meds haven't kicked in yet.'

'He's decided not to have a mid life crisis-he thinks it could be too expensive.'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"I'm 'The Drunk Divorced Overweight Chain-Smoking Middle Aged Man.' 'The Wise Man' is on the next peak."

"Your contents have shifted."

Hello, dear! Remember 1968?

'No, I haven't told him yet, Irene -- I decided it would be kinder to let him finish his mid-life crisis first.'

"MEN - o -pause!?"

"Things have been tough. Carol is going through the change."

Middle Age: When your age starts showing around

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

No Immediate Danger

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Better times ahead.

Bashful in Nashville

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Altar Ego

Doubt or Certainy

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"