Mid-life Crisis Comparer Pillows

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

He kept up his guitar practise...

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-Age Superheroes

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

Midlife: You Are Here.

Quick Spring Fling

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"