Mid-life Crisis Comparer Pillows

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

He kept up his guitar practise...

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"