Mid-life Crisis Pillows

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'I worked very hard and finally got to the top of the ladder... only to find that I'd leaned it against the wrong wall.'

"I'm going to get my old dog, get an old pickup, a double-barrelled shotgun, get my old pink cotton print dress, and get back on Route 66!"

Pants...Before & After

'A spoiler is standard on all sports cars. It helps protect your hair transplant.'

"The only thing that still works well for me is hysteria."

On the eve of her 40th birthday, Jeff dyes Mindy's hair grey while she sleeps.

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

'Suddenly it was apparent where Jack was headed.'

'We only live once. Hope in.'

"There's something wrong with this mirror...every time I look at it, some old fat guy is staring back at me!"

'I think I am going through a mid-life crises.'

Santa Harley

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"And that's when I realized that I much preferred making frothy desserts."

"It means taking a healthy pay cut, but my dad has decided to stay at home and lock himself in the basement."

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

Truck Introspection Station: 'Am I happy? Does my life have meaning?'

'If you're going through your second childhood like Mom says, how come I never see you at school?'

"If I could take back ninety per cent of the things I say, then I think people would know the real me."

A mid-lithe crisis.

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Perhaps you're simply scrambling to make up for lost time.'

'Are you worried about getting old?'

"You could call it cilia. I prefer to think of it as designer stubble."

Tarzan's mid-life crisis.

"My whole life stretches out before me as a series of egg-white omelettes."

"I can't believe the things I've heard coming out of his mouth since he started listening to Eminem."

'Fred's having his mid-life crisis, Helen -- don't get too close.'

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

Sports car colors.