Dealing With Mid-life Crisis Pillows

'What I'd like to know is when do you stop calling it your hair and start calling it your hairs?'

He kept up his guitar practise...

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"Just when did you acquire those tattoos, Warner?"

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Quick Spring Fling

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'