Middle-aged Misfit Gifts

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

'I hereby sentence you to three years of piano lessons.'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

Hot flashes

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

Tone Deaf and Can't Read Music - Please Give.

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Sale. We need something that will meet our growing backsides.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'You know you're 40 when...'

"Armand, which summer did we become chair people?"

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

He's my vaguely familiar.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

'A cocoon? Boy, he is having a mid-life crisis!'

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

'Doing?'

"How is the new hearing aid?"

"I don't think this guy is even remotely capable of getting a clue."