Middle-aged Marvel Gifts

'Even though I'm in my fifties I feel I'm in the prime of life.'

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Dang.'

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'You know you're 40 when...'

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

"Armand, which summer did we become chair people?"

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'A cocoon? Boy, he is having a mid-life crisis!'

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

Live: Middle Aged Men

"I'm not kidding, Phil! You really ARE the poster child for middle-aged, disillusioned and down-hearted businessmen everywhere!"

"Exactly what type of hormone replacement therapy are you taking?"

'It's middle age spread.' 'I can't believe I'm not thinner.'

Middle-Aged Punk...

"I was attracted to his 'come to bed eyes', but over the years they've become 'go to sleep eyes'."

"I can't remember the last time I ran my fingers through your hair."

"It's my mid-wife crisis."