Midlife Marvel Gifts

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

How Gary got his groove back.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Tragedy and Remedy.

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

How to injury yourself as an adult