Midlife Marvel T-Shirts

"Admit it, Mary. You've been having hot flashes, again, haven't you?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

How Gary got his groove back.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"This next one's for you, babe."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Parkour for the over-40s.

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to