Midlife Maverick T-Shirts

"I'm not kidding, Phil! You really ARE the poster child for middle-aged, disillusioned and down-hearted businessmen everywhere!"

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

Targets.

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

Gene Therapy

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'I say we try it.'

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"Oops! Wrong plug."

Altar Ego

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

'First, I'd like to welcome the presidents of the two internet networking companies that just merged with us.'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "