Mid-life Maverick T-Shirts

"I'm going to get my old dog, get an old pickup, a double-barrelled shotgun, get my old pink cotton print dress, and get back on Route 66!"

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

Targets.

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

Gene Therapy

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'I say we try it.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"Oops! Wrong plug."

Altar Ego

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'First, I'd like to welcome the presidents of the two internet networking companies that just merged with us.'