Midlife Reinvention Gifts

How Gary got his groove back.

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"Your contents have shifted."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"I'm here for the hair."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Menopause and the City

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

Parkour for the over-40s.

"This next one's for you, babe."

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."