Midlife Reinvention Gifts

How Gary got his groove back.

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"Your contents have shifted."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"I'm here for the hair."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."