Meeting Minimizer Gifts

"This could've been an email."

'It'll be a shock to the workforce, they only work two days a week.'

If Moses had been a committee, the children of Israel would still be in Egypt!

"I'm conserving my strength for the most important meeting of the day - Happy Hour."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"What's a debenture?"

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

We Have A Lot To Cover.....

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

Conference Pears

"Go ahead—unmute yourself."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."