Media Minimizer Gifts

The Ekert Saga: 'Ok, girls...we need to get the Ekert back down to reasonable size before it destroys out house...so no more TV, radio, or any other negative energy...'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

The Modern Novel.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I caught him watching tv, surfing the net, and playing video games ..book him!'

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"For some, minimalism begins at a very early age..."

"It's all about putting work into the right perspective...and this helps me!"

"This could've been an email."

Books and Phones

"I just spoon-fed the media a pound of really old salmon."

"I decided to get comfortable...we have a lot to talk about."

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

"They're sound bites."

The director said 'cut'!

'Let's arbitrate.'

'I'm just working my way through my DVD boxset of The Complete Everything That's Ever Been on TV.'

If Moses had been a committee, the children of Israel would still be in Egypt!

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

Man holding up a cowboy with his TV remote control.

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."

"I can't...I mustn't...I shouldn't...I needn't....but I will."

'I didn't get it all done in a day.'

"Babe, I'm tired of staying in and watching Netflix every night. How much is Hulu?"

'May I speak to you as a man to a woman?'

"Phyllis needs to stop taking our staff meeting minutes."

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

'Mom, when I was born, was I available in both Blu-ray and DVD?'

Library computer center: CYBRARIAN.

Turn this music off! Please. Thumpa thump … Thank goodness. This is insane. How can they combine a talk show with house music? Allow us to explain: To attract younger audiences, we, the media conglomerates, must communicate on their terms, on their wavelength. More media, multimedia, simultaneous media, streaming screaming gleaming screeching grinding mind-bending media! I'm going to kill something! You're playing into their hands. Thumpa thumpa thumpa.

"I'm conserving my strength for the most important meeting of the day - Happy Hour."

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."