Meeting Manipulator Gifts

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"What's a debenture?"

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

We Have A Lot To Cover.....

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"You're wondering why I've called you here."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

"I excel at appearing awake in meetings."

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"Agenda item 14 C, does anyone have any idea what happened in Game of Thrones?"

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'