Meeting Master Gifts

Out of Focus Group

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"There's no way we can come to a decision - the meeting has only lasted half an hour."

"I recommend our 'wild' expectations be downgraded to 'great.'"

"Today's meeting is about meeting to plan a meeting to arrange a meeting about managing our meetings."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'If I have to be at those boring meetings, I might as well get something out of it.'

'All in favor say arf.'

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Good, we're all agreed. I like it when we're all agreed."

'I would have been more decisive, but I couldn't decide if that's what you wanted.'

'Do you know we spend one-third of our lives asleep in meetings?'

'Do we have a quorum?'

Well done, Megson. Shareholders should drop off after fifteen minutes.

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'Am I boring you?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

"Mitchell will now review the quarterly earnings. Please fasten seat belts and place chairs in upright position."

"Well, I see everyone's coming to this meeting really ready to sit down and talk."

'Who said 'duh'?'

"Jenkins, I think you'll find the 'Any Other Business' section at the end of the agenda."

'In future meetings, let's serve only decaffeinated coffee, Ms Williams.'

"Your three o'clock moved to two o'clock, your two o'clock moved to one o'clock, and your one o'clock said you're fired."

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'Let's get down to beating around the bush.'

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"Look I'm half way through a meeting, this better be bloody important!"

'We didn't accomplish much at the meeting, but the video's gone viral.'

"Leave your hat on, we're going straight to the shareholder's meeting."

'And before we start, Higgins, I'd like to remind you that this is not a laughing matter.'

Everyone at a meeting has fallen asleep.

I like wearing masks during his presentations. No one can see my chronic yawning.

'He eats garlic to fight cancer, he drinks red wine to prevent heart disease and he chews breath mints for the stockholders meeting.'