Meeting Mastermind Gifts

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

"So, how can we explain this dip in productivity which seems to happen every Wednesday?"

'Gentlemen and ladies, today we're going to get down to nuts and bolts.'

'Is this the meeting where it's the end of the world as we know it if we don't come up with 'the big idea' by 5 o'clock.'

'This is a serious issue that should be thoroughly reviewed and discussed, until everyone is bored hearing about it.'

In the screenwriters guild, Secretary is the most coveted position.

'As requested, all men with a full head of hair are assigned a seat at the far end of the table.'

'Our problem is, we do more blamestorming than brainstorming.'

"Great video, but the sound was off. I wonder whose fault that was."

"After carefully going over the data your company has provided us and discussing the details with members of the board, we have decided to order your pepperoni pizza."

"And this overlap in the middle is the place I call home."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I believe we have a quorum for the meeting."

"I propose we hire some new management consultants to reverse-engineer the previous consultants' re-engineering plan."

"The meeting's over but it's so close to the end of the day. Let's just use our collective inertia and run out the clock."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"What's a debenture?"

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

"Look , Malcolm, I get it that you're ambitious. But can't you put that damn thing down just for a minute?"

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

What can I play?

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'