Meeting Mastery Gifts

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"What's a debenture?"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"The meeting will come to order."

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'