Meetings Gifts

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"Any questions?"

Out of Focus Group

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Quick, Ted, get that one down on paper before you forget it.'

'What did you take away from the meeting?'

'I fear we may have strayed from the agenda somewhat.'

'At this point, I'll ask all of you to follow me to the conference room directly below us!'

'I'll start with the weekly progress report. Ms. London, on my right, will act as acronym and jargon translator.'

'Before you go any further, let me reiterate that I, for one, see nothing wrong with killing the messenger.'

'I'd love to add something to this discussion but I have no idea what we're talking about.'

"Well, that was fun. But we really should get back down to business."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

This may help you understand my presentation.

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"Let's go back to the scenario in which none of this is my fault."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'Do you realize that the only change we have had in this school in the last decade is a change in our phone number?'

"OK, let's hear it. But I'm warning you, it better not be another one of your half-baked ideas."

'And in conclusion.'

'I don't know which one of you keeps turning up the air conditioning, but you'd better stop!'

'You call yourself a steering committee?!'

'I'm just concerned that if we embrace change this one time, change might get the wrong idea and mistake it for some kind of long-term commitment!'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Does anyone else have anything they'd like to bring up?...'

'I don't know what's worse...you, Jenkins, snoring through my presentation, or you, Fredericks, complaining that it was keeping you awake!'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'All in favor say arf.'

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

'The good news is, we've got 100 percent less complaints. The bad news is, we've lost all our customers.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"