Meeting Manager Gifts

He was way ahead of his time. Well, not way ahead, only about 10 seconds.

'I think he's still having trouble with the concept of 'one man, one vote'!'

'It was productive once we found someone to blame.'

"Announcements about the Youth Club, Senoirs Club, Woman's Club, & Twelve Steps Programs are so long, I'll dispense with my sermon."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Which door did you come through?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"What's a debenture?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"Look , Malcolm, I get it that you're ambitious. But can't you put that damn thing down just for a minute?"

We Have A Lot To Cover.....

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Conference Pears

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'We'll also need to do a credit/blame analysis.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."