Meeting Efficiency Gifts

"Meetings are where I've learned to communicate with my coworkers via facial expressions only."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"The meeting will come to order."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'