Meeting Efficiency Gifts

"Meetings are where I've learned to communicate with my coworkers via facial expressions only."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"The meeting will come to order."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."