Meeting Energizer Gifts

"Funny how you all acuired the same eyeglasses right before the Monday morning meeting."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

We Have A Lot To Cover.....

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

Conference Pears

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"You're wondering why I've called you here."

"We finally found a way to bottle enthusiasm."

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'We'll also need to do a credit/blame analysis.'

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until Monday?"

Meetings and Conventions - Warfare

A Lightning Conductor.

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

"This could've been an email."

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

The meeting will start a little late, intelligence is lost in the building somewhere.

'Let's begin our meeting. Everybody talk, nobody listen.'

"It's a dog-eat-dog economy. And I'm the Doberman."

As the Chief Corporate Adrenal Gland of the company, Fred's recommendations were rarely a surprise.