Mechanical Fixer Gifts

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"She does this when she's tired."

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

Super glue . . .

"I can't find the instructions."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Irritable dowel syndrome

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

"Kick the machine"

Unfinished Furniture.

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

Nature's revenge

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"Quick, act casual."

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.