Quirky Fixer Gifts

"Did you call someone to come test for margarine residue in the refrigerator?"

"Kick the machine"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

Enlightened Cursing

"She does this when she's tired."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

DIY.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"I can't find the instructions."

Super glue . . .

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

Irritable dowel syndrome

Home Business - Printer Ink.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

Unfinished Furniture.

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."