Creative Fixer Gifts

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"I don't know who you are!"

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"She does this when she's tired."

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

"I can't find the instructions."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Super glue . . .

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

Irritable dowel syndrome

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.