Diy Fixer Gifts

Hospital. Emergency. Closed. I'm bleeding and the E.R. is closed, What should I do? Just go home? Suture self!

'It's our last resort.'

Windscreen replacement

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

Fixing the Computer.

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"Never marry an engineer."

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

'As I said to Phil, 'Call a plumber!''

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Caveman wheel repairers.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Repairing the UFO

Mower Repair

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

'I suppose you tried to fix it yourself.'

'Next time you lose your keys, please call a locksmith instead of blowtorching the door.'

"Kick the machine"

'It's up for adoption. Just pay to have it fixed.'

Julian Assange

'Freezer is on the blink.'

Wobbly bed.

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"