Diy Fixer Pillows

'It's our last resort.'

Windscreen replacement

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Fixing the Computer.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"Never marry an engineer."

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

'As I said to Phil, 'Call a plumber!''

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Mower Repair

Caveman wheel repairers.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Repairing the UFO

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

'I suppose you tried to fix it yourself.'

"Kick the machine"

'Next time you lose your keys, please call a locksmith instead of blowtorching the door.'

'It's up for adoption. Just pay to have it fixed.'

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

Wobbly bed.

Leaking washing machine.

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."