Foundation Fixer Gifts

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"She does this when she's tired."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

DIY.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"I can't find the instructions."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

Super glue . . .

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

Irritable dowel syndrome

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."