Fundraising Fixer Gifts

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"We only got six days of funding."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

Waiting for Pants

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

The nonprofit dog fight.

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"What are we doing wrong?"

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'