Financial Fixer Gifts

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

Have you got the accounts right yet? Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.

'To make our budget balance on of us has to die within the next six months!'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

11 Ways To Avoid Chapter 11.

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

'My cash flow? It flows right out of my hands to my creditors.'

"If the board cuts our budget any more, I'm going to have to start stealing the kids' lunch money."

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'You've done a fine job throwing money at problems, Senator, but I think it's time to bring in a reliever.'

"The problem with our marriage is that we can't afford marriage counselling."

"You should have come to me sooner."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"Ms. Mims will help you arrance financing."

Mr. Spinwell, can you teach me the art of spinning? House of Java.net Cybercafe. Heartfelt candor takes practice. Say, for instance, if I had to come clean with investors that the cafe was bleeding money. You mean that you're taking a long-term view by investing for the future? Or that you care about the customer and not just greed and profit? Tingles.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'If you didn't have a hangover you'd have one now...!!'

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

'It's true I'm homeless...that's why I want the loan.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

IRS. Your return is stuffed with improper deductions. My accountant is a "tax-idermist"!

Man has a bad dream about finances.

'Voila! A drug for a sick economy!'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

Waiting for Pants

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"