Fiscal Fixer Gifts

"That one's for our numbers."

Office of Management and Budget door is upside down and is closed.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

Home Business - Printer Ink.

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."

"It's time to break up the company!!"

"With finances the way they are we had to give up the idea of a family holiday this year."

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

IRS, 'How about that -- 100 unearned income.'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

Woman at mail boxes which are marked: Local Mail Out - Of Town Mail - Deficit Ideas.

'Continuing to deficit spend during a budget crunch is what makes America great!'

'You've done a fine job throwing money at problems, Senator, but I think it's time to bring in a reliever.'

''Getting them by the short and curlies' could be one solution to the financial problem, Mrs...'

"The problem with our marriage is that we can't afford marriage counselling."

"You can't dismiss the crushing burden of our national debt just because you don't have kids!"