Financial Fixers Gifts

Tall column with a bag of money on top and a sign reading 'Sorry for the inconvenience.'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

"It's time to break up the company!!"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

Waiting for Pants

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

Bank Robbery Statistics

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

Home Business - Printer Ink.

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"