Floor Fixer Gifts

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"She does this when she's tired."

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

DIY.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

Super glue . . .

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

Irritable dowel syndrome

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

Unfinished Furniture.

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

Leaking washing machine.

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

Nature's revenge

"That's not the real me."