Floor Fixer Mugs

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"She does this when she's tired."

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"I can't find the instructions."

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

Super glue . . .

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

Irritable dowel syndrome

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

Unfinished Furniture.

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"Quick, act casual."

Nature's revenge

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."

Leaking washing machine.