Flooring Professional Gifts

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"Well, you said your glasses needed cleaning!"

Synchronized Diving: 10 & under division.

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Swimming Champion.

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

At Michawl Phelps' baptism.

'That was some varnish remover!'

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

That adds life! Before we installed the carpet, I looked down and saw nothing except a blank stair!

'The Miracles of Suspension.'

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

'I thought if I tried diving, I wouldn't mind a bath so much!'

Floor manager.

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'Hello, high gloss floor wax - I'd like customer service. Yeah - I would like to report a problem!'

Dive in...

"Well I've done the floor! Only two days hard graft, but I thought you said the apartment had a sea view..."

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"If I can't be a plumber's apprentice, can I be a plumber's helper?"

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'

DIY'ers Heaven. I wonder if I can get under this floor covering and take a gander at the subfloor

Punctual at First Remodeling Contractor