Flooring Professional Gifts

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"Well, you said your glasses needed cleaning!"

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Swimming Champion.

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'That was some varnish remover!'

'The Miracles of Suspension.'

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

'I thought if I tried diving, I wouldn't mind a bath so much!'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'Hello, high gloss floor wax - I'd like customer service. Yeah - I would like to report a problem!'

Floor manager.

Dive in...

"If I can't be a plumber's apprentice, can I be a plumber's helper?"

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"Well I've done the floor! Only two days hard graft, but I thought you said the apartment had a sea view..."

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'

Punctual at First Remodeling Contractor

'I'd better not come in: My shoes could damage your brand new wooden floor...'