Flooring Enthusiast Gifts

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

'...About this laminated wood flooring I purchased from your company last year...'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Offices moved to 23rd floor - taking the company to new heights - the management.

'That's right, we're going all the way to the top floor ... I'm late for a meeting!'

Going Down?

"This IS my day-to-night outfit"

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

Thumbing a Lift.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

Elevator charge $1.00.

The guy who got in on the ground floor

'Not only did they install an elevator to help you get over the dam, they also hired an elevator operator.'

A businessman waits for an elevator; on his briefcase are two stickers reading "Up" and "Down".

"It's not that I'm lazy. But I envisage myself not so much climbing the corporate ladder, as taking the corporate elevator."

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

A Fork-lift.

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"This thing is so slow!"

'Going up?'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

"Do we look like we're going up?"

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

'That was some varnish remover!'

Elevator. Up, down and dirty.

'You can't use the elevator as guestroom!'