Flooring Aficionado Gifts

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

I just had a lovely dream - the world was done over in wall-to-wall carpeting.

'I'd better not come in: My shoes could damage your brand new wooden floor...'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

'That was some varnish remover!'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'Hello, high gloss floor wax - I'd like customer service. Yeah - I would like to report a problem!'

'Ok, who didn't leave a faucet to drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze!'

Reptiles lizards in the form of tiles basking in the sun.

'I don't want to go up after Yang's dad.'

"Well I've done the floor! Only two days hard graft, but I thought you said the apartment had a sea view..."

Office carpets,putting green type.

"If I can't be a plumber's apprentice, can I be a plumber's helper?"

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

'This suit is lined with heat resistant tiles.'

High water pressure

'Doctors don't make house calls johnny...but plumbers make house calls.'

Man Whose Face Is Obscured By An Apple Flushing Himself Down A Toilet.