Floor Polish Aficionado Gifts

"You never even complimented me on my nice polished floor."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Water Slide

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'That was some varnish remover!'

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

"I said I wanted to go to Stacey's Nail Bar."

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

'Hello, high gloss floor wax - I'd like customer service. Yeah - I would like to report a problem!'

"Pedicure is booming, but manicure is dead."

'I think your 10 o' clock appointment's arrived.'

Office carpets,putting green type.

"I won't sweep with you on our first date"

'Women love their nails, so next time she suggests you get fixed, tell her only if she gets declawed.'

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

"I'm into painting with my feet"

'I'd better not come in: My shoes could damage your brand new wooden floor...'

Carpets and truckpets.

Rudolph the brown-nose reindeer.