Floor Polish Aficionado T-Shirts

"You never even complimented me on my nice polished floor."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

Water Slide

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'That was some varnish remover!'

That adds life! Before we installed the carpet, I looked down and saw nothing except a blank stair!

"I said I wanted to go to Stacey's Nail Bar."

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

'I said shag carpeting.'

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

'Hello, high gloss floor wax - I'd like customer service. Yeah - I would like to report a problem!'

'I think your 10 o' clock appointment's arrived.'

Little Did She Know

"Pedicure is booming, but manicure is dead."

'Women love their nails, so next time she suggests you get fixed, tell her only if she gets declawed.'

"I won't sweep with you on our first date"

Husband - 'Honey, the Vandamyer's are here!' Wife - 'I'll be down in a minute dear! I'm just polishing my nails.' (Woman polishing metal nails).

Office carpets,putting green type.

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

"I'm into painting with my feet"

'I'd better not come in: My shoes could damage your brand new wooden floor...'

Carpets and truckpets.

Your call is very important to us. It allows our nails to dry while we keep you on hold.

Sadie, listen to my new political theory. If you rub my feet. That's a fair trade, you talk and rub. I'll listen. One foot. One foot and I won't run off. Two feet and I'll actually. Listen. Two feet but you have to wash them first. Deal. House of Java Cybrcafe. I get to use Powerpoint. No renegotiations!!!

Dang, I dropped that mole, too …. I've got to get a new floor covering…