Floor Maintenance Enthusiast Gifts

'Wipe all your feet!'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Three different categories of lawnmower.

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

When did you last have your oil changed?

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Santa hosing the Chimney.

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'That was some varnish remover!'

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

'I retired from work but housework has not retired from me.'

'Hello, high gloss floor wax - I'd like customer service. Yeah - I would like to report a problem!'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

Office carpets,putting green type.

A robot standing in a bathroom with a hand mirror in his hand inserting new batteries into the back of his head.

"Well I've done the floor! Only two days hard graft, but I thought you said the apartment had a sea view..."

Reptiles lizards in the form of tiles basking in the sun.

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'

The maintaining different types of fence.

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

Pumice Stone Accidents.