Home Fixer Gifts

Use the right tool for the right job. (Hammer? Wrench? - It's all good.)

"Good afternoon Sir. I was just passing and couldn't help wondering if you might be considering new double glazing?"

'I love Saturdays. . . why couldn't this happen on Monday and ruin a work day?'

"I don't want a plubmer who's always at my disposal."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"I'm having a problem with the Ultra-Super Max Plumber's Helper you sold me yesterday."

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

Leaking washing machine.

'By the way, Alice, I unstuck that cabinet drawer for you.'

Before you say it's got some old wiring, remember you repaired it last.

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'